Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
