I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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