your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I feel like abortions should bother me more
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
