Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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