Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
