just come out here and I will go home with you...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
