I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
