Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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