i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
