they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
