He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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