its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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