I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize