i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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