maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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