No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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