the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Help. Why am I so naked?
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