remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
