Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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