Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
