I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
