How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
