People with herpes should wear stickers.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
