Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
