I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
