Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
