Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
