They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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