I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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