Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There's always time for handjobs
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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