So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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