i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i've created a new STD.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
