I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
