I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I am naked and annoyed.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
