My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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