And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
