y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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