I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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