We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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