im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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