Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
