Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
