dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
