Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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