My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
