remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
