two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
