it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
