And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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