and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
