I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
