Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
