Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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