So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
