I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
